mess

Feeling uncomfortable with unacceptable reasons.
Haiyohhh.. I do not like this situation.
I'm still expecting things to be based on my demand.
It was my fault. No one else could be blamed. That's all?

little wish

She is a singer that I fell with. Yui Yoshioka has a very pleasant character, with her angelic voice, her soothing songs trapped me into fantasies. Unfortunately, she is a Buddhist. However, deep down inside my tormented soul, I still hope that one day Allah s.w.t will pour His light upon her so she can see the beauty of Islam, convert into a muslimah and feel the pleasure of Jannah in the afterlife. ;) If any non-muslim read this, I hope u won't be mad of me. Dear friends, if you are about to laugh, feel free to. I don't mind. Hehe. 

vengeance extinguisher

Deep down INSIDE, I heard a small voice "I hate you! Bring her back to me! You such a selfish woman i ever met, I'm bringing you down to the bottom of hell!!!"

Astaghfirullah hal azim.

Astaghfirullah hal azim.

Astaghfirullah hal azim. 

I had some thoughts about it. Is it worth to be vengeful?  Not at all. It will consume myself.

Allah is the most merciful.
Even our prophet Muhammad s.a.w has mercy on us, who he never met.
How could I have such ego to forgive a same human being as myself.
From that, I learn to try my best not to cause any anger to anyone, and to hold my temper, because I'm looking for the reward.

Well, this is another hope that I will be more accepting with my fate. Wept a lot already. Will that tears extinguish the flame of hell for me? Worrying.

destiny

All praise is due to Allah, after four years knowing her, I was able to meet her face to face. It was not yet the best moment in life but, that was still the moment I treasured. Without being so selfish to confess about my very feeling upon her, I let it remain silent, INSIDE. Well she already has a relationship. She has my respect. She deserves it. Most of all, after enduring such bittersweet loona life, I still have faith....in this kind of love. As a muslim, a pass my hopes and dreams to Allah s.w.t.

If she's destined to be my company, please let us meet again.
If she's not, hopefully I'm willing to accept the fate as it is.

 

You came to me in that hour of need
When I was so lost, so lonely
You came to me took my breath away

Showed me the right way, the way to lead

You filled my heart with love
Showed me the light above
Now all I want Is to be with you

You are my One True love
Taught me to never judge
Now all I want Is to be with you

You came to me in a time of despair
I called on you, you were there
Without You what would my life mean?
To not know the unseen, the worlds between

For you I’d sacrifice
For you I’d give my life
Anything, just to be with you

I feel so lost at times
By all the hurt and lies
 Now all I want Is to be with you

Showed me right from wrong
Taught me to be strong
Need you more than ever
Ya Rasul ALLAH

message

special message to unknown future wife:

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Dear ,

I've been searching for you. I do not know where you are. I believe u must've tried your best to become one good companion. I wonder if u miss me as much as i miss you. There's someone who's close to my heart. Is it you? I really need you along this way back to our real home, al-jannah. We'll go back together, shall we? Together we hold tight this 'rope', and not being astray. I'll try to follow his steps, and I hope u can follow his wifes' steps too.

^_~

Well that's all for now. I'm feeling funny messaging you this way. Someone must be laughing. XD

preferences

"i prefer a man who is older than me about ten years,they are more matured"
"i prefer a lawyer, because they can earn more than engineers"
"we are expensive, we deserve high class urban lifestyle."
"let bygones be bygones, life must go on. loyalty? does it worth? i had many relationships before. that one is nothing"
"i'm waiting for someone to break the wall"
"i'm gonna be a woman that can continue living without husband in the future"
"i'm buying an alphard"

ripped upper

well, he got nice chest and shoulder. ~~,
working out for something like this.
but the stomach, maybe...maybe.....

E.R

Have you watch an English tv series, ER? I bet you know what ER is. I just googled it, E - Emergency R - Room. Since I watch ER during my primary school, just know I care to know the abbreviation meaning.

What's up with ER?

It's my mom.  She started to feel sick, about three days ago, she felt like really bad fever, and shivering. What worse is she began to talk nonsense, about death. I don't mean it was really nonsense but, I just don't want her to think negatively that's all. But it is normal for an aged person to get emotional under condition. Her overheated body affected her thinking. I noticed she's a bit amnesia during that critical moment. She thought she bring along her I/C but she left it at home, she thought she just get back from hospital when we are actually on the way to the hospital. Pity her. After all theres nothing much I could help, except hoping and praying that everything will be okay.

strictly prohibited

This message is written to my future wife :

Dear wife,

Every night, please make sure that the dining table is empty after 7:00p.m. I have a bad late night eating habit.

Thank you.

jae joong

live it cool

Alright, the plan is like this. With my diploma of mechanical engineering with technology, I'm planning to work, rather than going for bachelor programme. Penang is like a gold mine you know. Besides, as a muslim, I feel like, it's not worth striving so hard for certificates, for a simple and kinda low profile person like me, I think this is the best choice. I'm the type which is not into executive positions.

Isa a.s once said, which sounds like this. "World is like a bridge, cross it and do not build on it."

True is it? If we build something on the bridge, of course it will collapse. =D

May Allah bless, hopefully. =]

(after 40 minutes this blogpost shared on facebook...i came back to add something)

Forgot to tell that, I'm planning to take PJJ soon after I get a job. ;]

insomnia

Just read about insomnia. You're having insomnia if u can't get quality sleep for at least one month.

I do. 

rolled up yesterday

i took another day off yesterday, the excuse was - "i couldn't sleep last night, and i'm not fully recovered from my fever" - I need to sleep this morning otherwise.. bla bla.. there goes my excuse. But I felt sorry for the outlet manager. =.="

=| another bad attendance reputation

I learned three chords which are the G, C and D. G is the -hardest- among these three. It's not easy to switch to another chords. I'm still practicing. =D My left hand having a difficult times pressing the strings on frets.. XD

Learning is fun! Especially when things that you really interested in. And more fun when it came with good outcome. =D =D

I called CEC. Mrs Aizah said that the application form will be uploaded about two weeks from now. Really hope that I could have that seven months Industrial Skill Enhancement Programme(INSEP) course in  Engineering Product Design. I'm not getting any feedback from Symmetry Medical. It seems like the chance is really small, as there are lots of applicants with higher education than me. While for the production technician at St. Jude medical, total applicants that applied on-line are 895. That's a big number. Well I hope i can hold on until forever. She has five and a half year left to finish her study, or if she is going to get married before finishing study, well i have to accept it, I'm defeated. That's if. Really scary to say about if if if. It is a blind future. Deep down inside, I'm still loving her, thats the truth. Lone and guilt, for the past three....or four years, until now.

Be patient. Allah's with us. Maybe I forgot this. Astaghfirullahal a'zim.

I must not let myself trapped by loneliness. I bought a guitar, I have a Bamboo, I have a niece now, I have Coffee Bean friends, UTHM friends, old friends, mommy, sisters, family, facebook. Why must I fall for the same trick? I must get a grip. Tomorrow I'll get back to work. Hoping that Vikram can accept my excuse and not trying to tease me. Uh it's Friday. Wish I can go for my prayers. =0

here goes

the second blog, established for one purpose - to spill out my thoughts of the day. storing all these thinking rusts my mind. emotionally disturbed, most times. like what? wanting someone to hear u badly? nooohh. just writing to relieve some stress, which stacked on my head sometimes. heavily. yea no one is gonna visit this place often though.

what's on my mind?

first, i decided to make this(blog) because i oftenly visit some(one)'s blog, which i hope s(he)'ll post new things on her blog. but too bad, she rarely update it. that white background, grey fonts, i like it. sometimes she write poems. creative. really interested with her character. her look... shes cute. when i watch Taylor Lautner's face on Abduction, reminds me on her. heh.
secondly, making myself comfortable with my second language, English. Getting Band 3 on MUET kinda sucks. I still remember during the listening test, the sound system was....ergh. Really annoying. Can't focus the recordings. But it's still my own fault for not making sufficient preparation. Thinking of making a turn, I want myself to be better in English. Ah and suddenly I'm capitalized my typings.
I thought of drawing a comic during my free time. Inspired by HLOVATE, I decided to make a comic based on the story "Rooftop Rant". Made some sketches but suddenly I stopped sketching after I met her.

Emotion shakes. I make myself sound pathetic sometimes.
Now lets speak about talent. You(me) got talent right?

Talent is nothing, without output.
Am I wasting the gifted talent?
(yes I did)

*raining outside

Working part time at The Coffe Bean and Tea Leaf.... I met some people. A punjabi manager, a widow at the age of 39 with 1 year old baby, young manager who is same age as me, Indians(so many of them -.-), a boy who looks like Changmin+Yunho made me look at him often. What the.... don't get me wrong.

I'm planning to buy my first guitar this morning. Miyul told me to buy a tuner which is around just RM15.

I can't stand anymore letting this vengeful, tormented soul suffer. I want it to be free as it is. Pure. Pure. Living in serenity ever after. Serenity.

Did I just admit that I'm . . . . sufferring? Pathetic nohh. Get a grip!